3/29/10

2001: A Space Odyssey Internet Resource Archive

I just fell in love with this site: 2001: A Space Odyssey Internet Resource Archive.
2001 title card
They've got a mother-lode of badass screen grabs, audio files, and links to critical analyses of the film and Arthur C. Clarke/Stanley Kubrick's screenplay. Here are some of the grabs I originally wanted to post this morning.

2001 monkey smashing bone2001 space station2001 space station interior2001 hals eye2001 space pod2001 star child
Now go watch this movie.

God Damn It Google

UPDATE: Picasa back up. Sorry for the disruption. Original post below. Also, six hours is too long to be farked.

Picasa is down. Hardtolive.com stores its images with Google and they are apparently uninterested in serving us today. My apologies for being stupid enough to store our images with Picasa. Since we can't have any real pictures right now, feast your eyes on these bad boys:

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3/26/10

Dino Run

dino run video game title screenI'm sure everyone is way ahead of me on this one, but I just wasted a half-hour playing Dino Run and I highly recommend it. Sure, it doesn't jibe with creationism, but one heretical time-waster now and then won't hurt you. Also, I pulled off a sweet twelve second doom surf in level 5.
I found it here at techcult's exhaustive list of flash games.

3/24/10

3/23/10

Craigslist Poetry- Women Seeking Men

craigslist poetry
Craigslist personals are a clearinghouse of public self-humiliation. Men Seeking Men is great if you want to see a LOT of dick pictures but my favorite section is Women Seeking Men. Occasionally, these desperate lonely cries for companionship border on poetry. Here are some of my recent favorites.
craigslist poetry
Such a Pretty Face
I Don't Know If Love Exists...I really hope someone can change my mind.
First of all, I am a big girl.
Not your taste, hit the Back button.
I'm very pretty, just not skinny.
If you're NOT into small girls, then I know you won't be disappointed.


3/17/10

Wincing with the Stars, a letter to Buzz Aldrin

Dear Edwin E. Aldrin,

As I write this letter, the framed picture of you walking on the moon that hangs above my desk has lost a touch of its majesty. Not because the so-called permanent marker you use to autograph is fading, but because I just learned you are to be a contestant on Dancing with the Stars.

Why Buzz? I never thought I'd say this but, what were you thinking? You told "Zap2it" (whatever the fuck that is) that you felt "forced to go out and sing for your supper" and that "it's a shame somebody who has gone to the moon has to go out and do that." You're god damned right it's a shame, Buzz. Dancing with the Stars? You danced with the actual stars. You walked on the mother-fucking moon. What's your next move? Denny's spokesman?
moons over my hammy
Look who you're up against. Kate Gosselin? Pam Anderson? They're not fit to lick the lunar-dust off your moonboots, though Pam probably would if you asked. I'll tell you this Buzz, I'm actually going to watch this stupid show because of you and you better win that bitch. Your 80-year-old bad-asstronaut body better be taking small steps and giant leaps all over the place. Otherwise you're letting me down, you're letting America down, and you're letting Cookie Monster down.

buzz aldrin with cookie monster
Dare I hope that your acquiescence to reality TV is rooted more in keeping a younger generation mindful of the U.S. Space Program than promoting your books? Probably not. Please reconsider Buzz, for me and for John Kennedy. If you're this hard up for cash set up a paypal donation site or sell some of the moonrocks you smuggled back.

Respectfully yours,
Easygenius

3/16/10

When Worlds Collide - Cancer Survivors/Transvestitism

A successful product needs to have broad appeal. But in this case our featured item also appeals to men, men who want to look like broads. I present my most disturbing Ebay find to date, the Silicone Mastectomy Breast Form.
mastectomy boobs bra
Click for a NSFW and truly strange image

Behold the brassiere that comes pre-filled with it's own breasts. It's Victoria's most secretest-secret and this alternately sad and frightening object can be yours for a starting bid of $39.99. Clearly this auction will result in a heated bidding war between a female cancer survivor and a very enthusiastic transvestite. May the breast man win.

If you're suffering from a boob-free lifestyle but don't want to wear them, you might try a personality change or you might just say fuck it and buy some booby balls.

3/11/10

Love in a Space Elevator

Please watch the most exciting video I've seen in the last fourteen days.
Also, I want to listen to the soundtrack while I fall asleep. Or while I eat.

3/9/10

The Best of Yahoo Answers: Hamster Edition

This post was originally going to be called: Top Ten Things I Want To Throw A Hamster Into  but I couldn't get any farther than the Bootie Butler, seen below.

Rather than abandon the topic of hamsters completely, I thought I'd take a moment to answer a few hamster related Yahoo Questions. Let's start with an easy one.

best of yahoo answers
A: Hello Ryan and, whoah, great question. A lot of people would tell you not to throw the hamster at all. I'm not that kind of people.

While the answer is certainly subjective and the final decision is yours and yours alone, my advice is to throw your hamster at your dog's face moderately hard. Imagine tossing a whiffle ball to a toddler. That's about how hard I'd throw your hamster at your dog's face. Keep in mind that you may only get one shot at this. I'd say there's a 50/50 chance that your dog will eat your hamster immediately.

3/8/10

Why I Drink

This is basically what it's like every time I get drunk. The only thing missing is chain-smoking. Otherwise, just imagine me wandering around bars and city streets doing this and you've pretty much been out drinking with me.

3/5/10

Food, not poop


Don't you try to embarrass me. That's not a fucking butt pie, you asshole.
That's morning-after, largely failed mole.
You have to understand that I'd never seen a 100 Percent Cocoa chocolate bar, and when I happened upon one on my most recent impromptu culinary escapade, it simply seemed like a good opportunity to see what I'd been missing. Besides, I couldn't find what the chosen recipe suggested, something called "Mexican Drinking Chocolate" in a small cardboard box printed with the image of a creepy old lady. I had no idea what I was in for.
Unavailable for questioning

3/1/10

Fun with Religious Pamphlets

I like to start my mornings with a nice big Styrofoam cup of rage and this article about a religious pamphlet circulating in Virginia really did the trick. Who knew that sexual assault victims were basically ungodly pro-bono harlots?

To calm down, I'm having a cathartic laugh at some of my favorite religious tracts.

What to do to go to hell pamphlet
Title: what to do to go to HELL
Publisher: Good News & Crossway

I originally picked this up off the street because I was looking for fun day trip ideas. Boy was I ever disappointed! Why? Because it's empty. This single fold tract is blank inside because you're already going to HELL just for being a human being. 

Not convinced? The tract's backside explains:
That’s right. There’s nothing more we need to do to go to Hell. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).
So there. You're fucked. Sorry to ruin your day. Bet that ice cream doesn't seem so tasty now, does it little-girl-who-didn't-have-a-care-in-the-world-five-seconds-ago? You're gonna burn in Hell. And there's no ice cream there to soothe your blistering tongue.

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