Rather than abandon the topic of hamsters completely, I thought I'd take a moment to answer a few hamster related Yahoo Questions. Let's start with an easy one.
A: Hello Ryan and, whoah, great question. A lot of people would tell you not to throw the hamster at all. I'm not that kind of people.
While the answer is certainly subjective and the final decision is yours and yours alone, my advice is to throw your hamster at your dog's face moderately hard. Imagine tossing a whiffle ball to a toddler. That's about how hard I'd throw your hamster at your dog's face. Keep in mind that you may only get one shot at this. I'd say there's a 50/50 chance that your dog will eat your hamster immediately.
A: Hello Tiny! You've asked for help at a critical moment in your hamster's life cycle. Don't worry, little squeaker didn't get sick. He's just ready to be milked! The milk that came out during ball-time smelled bad because it had been in the hamster too long. I'm surprised the pet store didn't warn you about hamster-lactation. I'm no expert on the subject so I suggest you go to Blockbuster Video and ask for one of the many video tutorials available on the subject.
1. Leave me alone, Leor. I'm sad.
2. You're too old to have a hamster, Leor.
3. When are you going to put a freaking female syrian hamster in here. Seriously, you'd be out five bucks and I could get laid for the rest of my life.
4. What kind of a name is Leor? It's like your parents had a stroke in the middle of naming you Leon.
A: Sigh. Mandy, if I had a nickel for every time somebody asked me this question. Unless you got your hamster from a laboratory experimenting with stem cells, little hammy's ear will not grow back. Perhaps you would be happier with a more durable, regenerative pet...like a starfish or a salamander. Or you could just quit burning your hamster's ears off. Bitch.
You've got to get away from this guy, Jesse. He's no good and he has a temper. He may also have a personality disorder if he really does make you wash your hands before you touch him so they don't smell like food. You deserve better. How long before he hits you Jessica? How long?
If I'm wrong and this is a valid hamster question, consider this my answer:
"Nuh-uh, girl. I wouldn't put up with that shit if I was you. If my hamster be getting mad and biting me I'd be all like 'I buy your food motherfucker. I'm gonna make you drink vodka. I'm gonna turn you into a hat for my guinea pig.'"
UPDATE: My unconscious mind must have already known this, but my waking brain was surprised to hear that the official Yahoo Answers mascot is a hamster named Yamster. Go Figure.