Click for a NSFW and truly strange image
Behold the brassiere that comes pre-filled with it's own breasts. It's Victoria's most secretest-secret and this alternately sad and frightening object can be yours for a starting bid of $39.99. Clearly this auction will result in a heated bidding war between a female cancer survivor and a very enthusiastic transvestite. May the breast man win.
If you're suffering from a boob-free lifestyle but don't want to wear them, you might try a personality change or you might just say fuck it and buy some booby balls.
Your friends at Realdoll Inc. know that most of you perverts can't afford their top of the line sex dolls, so they've generously offered up Booby Balls (Hilariously NSFW). After an enormous amount of research, I can confirm that this product is simply the tits. Aside from stress/glandular relief, I suggest substituting a booby for a baseball in your next father-son front yard game of catch. It's a great way to exercise, spend quality time, and break the ice on the birds and the bees.
Other sports ideas include: booby tennis, booby wall-ball, booby juggling, bobbing for boobies, and of course, booby soccer. For a truly transhuman soccer experience, incorporate another of Realdoll Inc's magnificent accessories: