Rigor Motorist

dead man posed on motorcycle
Dad sent me an email this morning with the subject, "My newest favorite dead guy." Inside was the image embedded to the right. That man is dead, posed as if he were riding a motorcycle through his own wake. Full story via Autoblog.

An obliging or inventive taxidermist mortician at the Marin Funeral Home in Hato Rey did a bang-up job on David Colon's corpse after he died of gunshot wounds at the tender age of 22. So much so, that I can only view my own experiences with the funeral business as a series of missed opportunities.

dead man posed standing up
The possibilities are endless. Personally, I would want to be seated at a player piano endlessly cycling The Entertainer. Or perhaps standing clutching a knife. Or locked into mortal combat with a bear. Or Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. And Funeraria Marin can do standing corpses, as evidenced in an older photo shown here.

God that is gangster.

This whole playing with dead bodies idea gets really fun when you consider setting up elaborate scenes with multiple bodies from massive tragedies. Imagine a group wake resembling a cocktail party in full swing except half of the guests are dead bodies. I've listed some of my favorite corpse posing ideas after the jump.


Dr. Sbaitso is on Facebook

dr sbaitso screenshot
Ah, memories. I originally wanted to write a long heartfelt post about how much I once loved Dr. Sbaitso, the text-to-speech psychiatrist program that came with old-school sound blaster cards. But X-Entertainment already did it quite properly here: Dr. Sbaitso was my only friend.

They even offer a download link for rekindling your friendship with the good doctor...so much personality in 209k. You can also visit him on Facebook. Now will somebody please port Bill Sbaitso DM to flash?


Hard to Live for CNN

CNN Headline News aired Hardtolive.com's parody version of a censored Lane Bryant ad today around 2:20PM Eastern time. The ad features a "plus-size model" dancing around in her underwear until getting a smartphone calendar reminder about a lunch date with Dan. She then leaves the house in nothing but her undies and a long overcoat.

Hardtolive.com replaced the calendar reminder shot with this image:

I'll pay five dollars, American, for a screencap of the broadcast. Must take PayPal. I owe YouTuber delinq 5 bucks for providing the video proof. Here's a well deserved link to his blog. You know what? Make it 20 bucks.

 The original edited parody is below. C'mon CNN, the video has the words "McRib Remix" in the title.

See the original HTL post here: Lane Bryant Lunches a Saucy Ad


Lane Bryant Lunches Saucy Ad

UPDATE: CNN mistakenly airs Hardtolive.com's parody of the censored Lane Bryant ad during news report. Must be Hard to Live for CNN.

Plus-sized bloggers around the country are furiously flogging their crumb littered keyboards about the supposed network censorship of a racy Lane Bryant ad. The larger-ladies-clothing manufacturer claims that FOX and ABC restricted the ad's airtime and demanded re-edits. Lane Bryant has pulled the ad, now hosting the video on their extremely pink YouTube channel. See below.

Personally I think it's a damn shame they didn't let this air. Because it's hilarious. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for healthier physiques in the media and she really looks great. But did they have to use this as the model's calendar reminder:

Of course. The BBW gets interrupted from her well-deserved narcissistic body worship by a reminder to go stuff her face. Why not just take it all the way, Lane Bryant? Here, I'll do it for you:

And I've taken the liberty of re-editing the spot for you.

McRib is back! No time to get dressed! Out the f*cking door!

UPDATE: CNN mistakenly airs Hardtolive.com's parody of the censored Lane Bryant ad during news report. Must be Hard to Live for CNN.


cow head drawingHey, I don't want to freak you out but I'm incredibly hungover and that means I want barbacoa. If you think I'm just saying bar-b-que in Spanish then wipe that aren't I clever smirk off your face. I'm talking about cabeza. Cabeza de vaca.

If you want to learn about real barbacoa, and you might not, Wikipedia provides a decent primer. Basically, you smoke a cow head untill all the cheek meet and head flesh is tender and falling off the bone. I was barely able to read it without running out the door to decapitate a cow.
barbacoa in the oven cow beef cabezaInstead I'm stuck obsessively googling barbacoa (did I mention being very very hungover? I must have listened to Rain Dogs seven times last night) and I've suddenly fallen in love with this bad ass woman in New York City who smoked her own cowhead in July of last year. She's posted her experience on the lovely Home Sick Texan cooking blog and that's a photo of her barbacoa-in-the-oven-contraption on your left. I would love to do that though I'd rather go traditional and cook it in the ground. Still, the idea of pulling off any kind of barbacoa in NYC gives me a little PQ. Onward through the google results...


ImmorTall- The Saddest Game

immortall opening screenshot
I just "played" ImmorTall, though it's less a game and more something that just happens to you. It takes a great storyteller to make me want to cry in under five minutes. Give it a shot. 
After finishing I stared at the wall for about eighty seconds.


Bulletproof Everything!

bulletproof t shirt Good news everyone! Bulletproof t-shirts are on their way to the market. News.com.au says it all in a few bulletpoints.
  • Tee dipped in third-hardest material
  • Can capture bullet, says professor 
  • Also blocks ultraviolet rays, radiation
 This shit's dipped in boron, the world's third-hardest material right behind quantum mechanics and my ex girlfriend's heart. Sure it sounds like another sensational fluff piece about tech we'll never get to play with, but they did talk to a professor, so that's a good sign right? 

vintage bulletproof vest testFor added protection, wear the bulletproof tee under your slashproof hoodie. All of which should be covered by your bulletproof raincoat. If you have a dog, I'd recommend one of these. I know what you're saying, "Edward, you're being ridiculous. What do you need a bullet proof vest for? What a waste of BANG" and then you stopped talking because your lung was punctured by a hot metal slug. Who would have thought a stray drive-by-shooting bullet would catch you in the chest while we were arguing/making love in a public park restroom? I would have. That's why I'm wearing my gear.


Where on the internet is Waldo?

I sure miss my Where's Waldo books, but looking for him on the internet is almost as much fun. Here are today's findings:
He's in a bird's-eye view group photo.
waldo in a birdseye photo

Impersonating Hunter S. Thompson. (A serious bravo to the photographer who took this photo)
waldo in a bathtub as hunter s thompson

Astronaut Counter

Damn, I wish I'd thought of this:

screengrab of astronaut counter

Simple, to the point, and awesome. Let's get those numbers up people! China, I'm looking at you.


How to Spot a Puppy Mill

puppy mill dog kerry blue terrierOn a serious note, I recently came very close to unwittingly purchasing a dog from a puppy mill.

Here's the short version: We all know not to buy from pet stores but if you're considering buying a dog from a breeder, know that they could be a "commercial breeder" or what some would call a puppy mill. Search for their operation on this USDA Registry of Commercial Breeders. You can even read reports written by federal inspectors of their facilities. For more information on puppy mills and how to avoid them, read this article by the Best Friends Animal Society Network.

Here's the long version.


Ghetto Streetview: Virtual Photography

Concept: Take pictures in rough neighborhoods from the safety of Google Streetview. Screengrabs have only been modified by cropping, lighting, and color adjustment. The coordinates link to the original Google Maps sites.
Location: South Dallas, Texas

google streetview forest theater
Forest Theater @ 32.763968, -96.774416

google streetview dog tied to porch
Tied up dog @ 32.75509, -96.75267

google streetview dubs liquor store
Dub's Liquor @ 32.767099, -96.766105

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