5/21/10

Dig Dug's Inferno

The enormous garbage patches drifting in ocean gyres have me completely depressed. For the past 24 hours, all I've been able to do is drink and play free online video games.

Today I'm drinking Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA and Kettle One Vodka, in separate glasses.

Today I played Go to Hell!, a decent arcade game with an old school feel. Needs a bit more variety, but at least it's challenging. Also, the main character is a needy little bastard and can't really defend himself. I would have preferred to play it as Dig Dug...perhaps he could be travelling to Hell to rescue his dead lover or some shit like that. Anyway, give it a shot.


5/14/10

Consecrated E-mail Host

The opportunistic bastards fine folks over at Jesusanswers.com want to provide you with free email service! All you have to do put up with an inordinate amount of advertising and YourName@jesusanswers.com can be yours. Click here to sign up.

Sorry, but I already snagged whenIcallasexhotline@jesusanswers.com. Please write. I'll be checking it frequently.

Speaking of checking your e-mail, apparently Christ keeps up with the times. Visit this link to e-mail Jesus. You might want to wear sunglasses, the page is pretty bright. I've sent an email to the site's owners asking what happens to the queries once they're sent. I'll report back here once I know if our emails are even getting to Jesus.

5/10/10

The Apocalyst - HTL's Post-Armageddon Picks

hard to live apocalypse list key

Like most practical people, I keep a list of who will be in my team/survivalist pack during the coming End Times. As nature and God continue to delay the inevitable, there are times when I must sadly cross a team member off of the Apocalyst. Pingping, the World's Smallest Man, we will never forget your joyful contributions. Rest in Peace.

On the other hand, congratulations to new World's Smallest Man and new team member #11, Khagendra Thapa Magar, measuring in at 1.83 feet. That's even smaller than Pingping, which I don't understand, but whatever. You'll be great for getting into tight spots. Read on to meet the rest of the team.

5/7/10

Frontiers in BIGotry

Sigh...Charleston's Post and Courier recently took a public crap. Check this shit out:

If you feel guilty after reading this article, don't worry! You're not a fattist, you're just an idiot. I understand that Ken Burger probably whipped this up to capitalize on the whole Lane Bryant censored ad controversy but he could have spent more than ten minutes on it. By the middle of the article, Ken can barely remember why he even started the damn thing. It's like he wrote the beginning, passed out, came to and just started quoting obesity statistics.

Enough about his writing, the real problem is this whole idea of "fattists" or how about "fatism" since we're all making up words now? Look at Ken's laughable definition of a fattist:

5/4/10

Replicant with a Shotgun

rutger hauer as hobo with a shotgun
"I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark under the bridge downtown."
Image via Twitchfilm.net
Yesterday, Twitchfilm.net released the first on-set image of Hobo with a Shotgun and Rutger Hauer looks as much like my grandpa as I'd hoped. The film grew out of a mock movie trailer that won a SXSW contest sponsored by Robert Rodriguez. See the original below (NSFW).


I'll be waiting in line opening weekend with some brown bag wrapped bum wine.

5/3/10

Pee Wee's Desegregated Playhouse

pee wee herman playhouse racism desegregation montage

Paul Rubens a.k.a "My Hero: Pee Wee Herman" is among the last generation of Americans to remember attending racially segregated high schools. Florida's Sarasota High School gave Pee Wee his diploma in 1970, just three years after conforming to the Brown v. Board of Education ruling.

Cowboy Curtis, breaking down racial barriers
This racially charged past lead to some awkward class reunions over the next few decades and now Pee Wee Herman himself has decided to end the bullshit. His suggestions to reunion organizers resulted in the formation of a special committee to address racial tensions and this year everyone finally had a good time. This Herald Tribune article tells of Rubens' involvement.

Remember kids, it doesn't matter if you're white like Pee Wee, brown like Cowboy Curtis, or sea-green like Jambi...today's secret-word is "mutual respect!"

Super Mario Bros. Crossover


If you haven't already, it's time to head directly over to Newgrounds and play Super Mario Bros. Crossover. Right now.

Some beautiful bastard sacrificed a year of his life to create what most of were content to dream about: the opportunity to blow motherf#@kng Lakitu out of the sky with the spread gun from Contra.

Play Nintendo's 8-bit masterpiece as Samus, Bill R. (Contra), Megaman, Link, or Simon Belmont. Or you can play as the original Mario, which I don't quite understand. I would rather have seen Pit from Kid Icarus in his place. Everything else is damn near perfect. More screenshots after the screw attack.
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