He's snatching your people up

I thought this jiggly offering would be my favorite news video for at least six months and boy was I wrong. Check this out. It gets epic around 1:00.

Oh Antoine Dodson, Victim's Brother, will you please be my new best friend? I just want you to read the newspaper to me while I drink champagne and chain smoke Kents.


Those clever Japanese...the iDish

idish sushi ipad eatingidish sushi ipad eating

I love this guy! I think his name is Shiina Takahiko and he's eating sushi off an iPad. Except he's calling it the iDish. He even uses an iPhone as a soy sauce side dish. This type of revolutionary thinking paired with a total disregard for the delicacy of expensive and fragile gadgets get's Shiina's post an A+ rating from me.

I want to see someone do this in public.


Teacup Pig Strikes Back

Galoshes pig says Dik Diks may have won the battle but they haven't won the war.


I miss the old Jon and Kate

A gem from Reddit. The real "also boughts" from that item are truly a cavalcade of shit. Two words "Nurse Jackie." I'm just sayin'.


Alpha Glass

This is the wine glass you need. A whole bottle in a glass. It must be huge. That woman must have some serious man hands.


10 Irrepressible Childhood Memories

If you grew up in the 80's/90's, these are the voices in your head. Jingles, theme songs, and promos mainlined into our culture by nefarious producers preying on susceptible children. Let's spotlight a few hits from the collected detritus floating in our media addled brains.

1. USA Network's- "In a Minute" 

In a minute. In a minute. In a minute. In a minute. Al-fucking-right already. Next time just fade up on the program and spare me the first eight seconds. The "In a Minute" voices haunt my adult life. USA ran these supposedly educational/entertaining shorts during a fantastic programming block called Cartoon Express. Just watching this Cartoon Express promo makes me want to eat generic brand lemon creme cookies and fall asleep after my great aunt puts on the 700 club.

2. ABC's- "After these messages..." IDs

Let's skip right over the part where I was gender confused by the head swap during the first one of these despicably catchy network IDs. For nearly two decades I've been singing this in the shower, in my car, at the grocery store, in coin-op nudie booths, and at funerals. Clearly it's never going away and at this point, I just wish the god damned thing was longer.

3. The Bagelbites Song

In 1990, Bagel Bites murdered my metabolism in cold blood. Having the song stuck in my head has been a near daily reminder of why I was a fat, albeit jolly, child. It's pizza you can have any time. And the commercial told my mom she should feel good about giving them to me. Nothing better than throwing down half a dozen pizza bagels followed by two blueberry frosted pop-tarts and a glass of chocolate milk while watching Saved by the Bell. Why, as an adult, do I no longer eat those things? They didn't get any less great. And fuck no I don't toast my pop-tarts. You too good for the microwave? Fuck you.


Prince is an Idiot

Prince, noted information technologies expert
Irrelevant musician Prince has declared the internet to be a waning fad, refusing to release his newest and no doubt worst album via any digital platform. Why? Because "the internet's completely over," according to his highness. Prince chose instead to stick free CD copies of his latest discharge on the cover of London's Daily Mirror Newspaper.

Smart move you clever purple bastard. We all know newspapers are the hippest thing going and will no doubt be around forever. Now somebody burn that shit and seed it on bit torrent. I'm hosting a flavored dildo tasting party tonight and need some appropriate background music.
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